i was, and still am obsess with the idea of being special. with the idea of being different from the crowd, wanting to stand out so badly but is scared to actually speak up, to actually do things my way. i would always imagine myself being an inspiration to the people around me, be an example. not wanting to do things what other people do because i dont want to be "normal" its getting boring now, or mainstream as they call it these days.

as much as i want to be different, but the sad truth is, i am just like every one else. i follow the rules, i do the same things everyday. i cant even motivate myself let alone inspire people. then the truth hit me so hard, i talk the talk but doesnt even walk the walk.

i refuse to be what the society whats me to be, i refuse to be what my parents think i am suppose to be. i want to be able to do things my own way and make my own choices, i want to be myself, i want to explore, i want to do so much but yet i am scared. scared of being criticized, scared of being judged and pushed away from people. so at the end of the day, i am actually nothing special. i am ordinary.