while i was watching some narnia bloopers yesterday on youtube, i realized something, i missed a lot of things from the past, and by past i meant before the 2012. i dont know why but i just do. i have to admit, im a pretty sentimental kind of person. i cant throw things away easily just because i think it might be useful in the future or that it holds precious memories from the past. and when it comes to relationship, i have a hard time moving on because i tend to hold on to things, small things that most people would probably shrug it off. i would hold on to things because im afraid i might not experience those kind of things in the future, im afraid of losing it.

while i was doing the dishes the other, i was watching this crime series that shall not be name, and i realize that my dream, what i want to be in the future might cause the people i love to get hurt and suddenly i had this urge to not get married in the future, eventhough marriage has been the biggest dream of them all. because i was afraid of losing them, afraid of hurting them, afraid that i might not be able to accept the lost or the pain i will experience. i know at some point i will have to go through them but at least if im doing it alone, less damage will be done. at least i alone will suffer the consequences, no one around me will too.

i dont know what is up with me these past few weeks. i have been thinking about the future way too much and its affecting me, and the way i see things. im suppose to be worrying about my studies, and about spm, or even about my bad attitude towards my parents but im not. do i need help? or is it just me overthinking, i dont know