i used to thought that my first crush was considered my first love, and mine was in standard 2, a guy name nazmi. and how they say you can never forget your first love, but i was wrong all these time. my first love wasnt actually him, it was the guy who broke my heart when i was 16. that, was my first real love. but honestly, what is love anyway? did i loved him just because he calls me princess? did i loved him just because he cared? did i loved him because he was the first guy to ever do those things for me? or did i loved him just because of his looks. now, did i really loved him at all or was is just lust? i dont think i'll ever know, and all i know right now is he is a face i'll never forget, a name that will be stuck in my head forever, a past that has its way of creeping its way back and gosh i hate it. i hate myself for being able to put him in my mind. sometimes i catch myself looking at his photos, smiling when reminiscing our moments together(ew i know). it was short but hell, did it leave an impression.
in order to heal a wound, you have to stop touching it but this wound looks healed but left a scar, a permanent one. how do i make peace with my past, why do i always find myself back at him again. i'm tired & scared, i wanna be done with him. a day where i look at him, but feel nothing anymore, is a day i look forward too. but thats not today