i have this habit of talking to myself, after a while though, i dont find it odd or weird anymore. i have gotten used to it, i can safetly say that i may not be the only who does this. i find comfort in talking to myself, i feel calm and relaxed, like i actually have a friend to talk to, about everything. other than writing, talking is also a way of releasing my stress, a way to express my feelings. to be honest, i hate bottling things up, i hate not being able to speak up, i hate these mixed feelings.

life has been pretty much ordinary, which is boring. i hate ordinary, i want adventures, i want to be thrilled and feel the adrenalin. once i get out from this house, im gonna start living. its gonna be hard and a lot of hard, hard work man, but it'll definitely be worth the shot. i refuse to be pulled back anymore, i refuse to waste my life doing things that does not excites me, i refuse to hold it all back, i am ready to release it all out (but maybe my parents are not ready to accept it) so here i am, sitting on my desk, in front of my laptop, writing about how much i want to live life while i have tons of school work to get done with

sometimes i refuse to believe this is the reality of life, of my life. but here i am, living the "fasntasy". oh how fun it is