is it normal to feel confident and pretty sometimes but not most of the time? well for me it is. but these past few years i have gained more confidence in myself and in what i do, thats good. right? sometimes i look in the mirror and am please with what i see but some days i would just want to throw a rock with the reflection i see in the mirror. not that i am not grateful with Allah's creation but i am disappointed with myself, with what i have made myself into

i am not what i wanted to be when i was little, i am not knowledgeable as i wanted to be, not as skinny as i wanted to be, not as inspiring as i wanted to be. honestly, i am the opposite of what i wanted to be. 10 years from now i'll look back and probably cry myself out. devastated with my own self. sad with the outcome, with what i have created.

but being the "optimistic" person as i am today, i want to look on the bright side. at least i have gained more experienced, gained more knowledge, i know more today than i have yesterday. I have gained more self confidence and self-awareness, i have made a lot of friends, met new people, created great memories that i shall never forget. now, i am not be the person i wanted to be but maybe i am what i was meant to be.

lets just not dwell on the past, like i always do, more often these days, but prepare ourselves for the future. its gonna be scary, its gonna be hard and painful but we'll get through eventually.