18th October was the day i have finally graduated from 5 years of high school. most people are excited to leave high school, but im not one of them. sure, high school was hell on earth for me, someone who wasnt intelectually a genius but it was fun! hell, it was fucking great! ive had 2 high schools in my life and ive made great friends and gained a hell lot of experiences which i dont think i can ever get it anywhere else. while i was busy thinking about what i should wear, what time should i wake up, how should i wear my tudung, and then it finally it hit me, im gonna leave school, permanently. im gonna leave a place that i have spend most of my teenage years. im gonna leave the place where i have met most of the people i have met. im gonna leave that one place where i have to wake up so fucking early for, just so i dont miss the bus just so that i can reach there on time. im gonna leave the place where i have spend 11 years of learning and growing. i just cant grasp it, up untill now i still cant believe what im going through.
i, hayatul nornajwa, will not be a school student anymore.
it feels surreal, it gives me chills down the spine. every time i think about the fact that i am gonna leave high school, these memories start to replay like slides of videos and photos from when i was in standard one and up until yesterday's memories. like ive said it many times before, i am the type of person who holds onto something very tightly and has a very hard time letting go. but before i can actually leave high school permanently, i have to go through one of the biggest obstacle i am ever going to face, sijil pelajaran malaysia, SPM!!!! like any other exams, i am not ready at all. i am full of worries but yet i am doing nothing. i am hurting myself mentally. i am beyond tired and stressed out of the pressure im getting, the high expectations, the amount of people depends on me is crazy. i am not worried about disappointing myself because i have done that countless times but i am afraid that i'll fail the people around me who is expecting so much from me, especially my parents. this was suppose to be a post about my graduation day and now it has led to a very negative vibe. i am done for now, see ya after spm