its scary how im so invested in it, even if it was just a small kinda thing, a short fling.
scary how i get caught up in it way too deep than i should have, but then having a hard to move on.
i dont get myself either. its like, no matter how many times i've had my heart broken,
no matter how many times ive been mistreated, i can never be bitter about love,
i can never be bitter about boys, how fucked up is that. i'd like to think that its a gift, but also a curse. i thought at some point in my life, up until now, i would've been that kind of girl who just builds up walls around her & doesnt let anybody in, all caught up in her own world, unfortunately im not one of those, i dont think i will ever be. im always open for love, im always open for new things, new people. i can never imagine myself being that kind of person ya know.
ive tried, oh trust me ive tried but i just cant. i trust people so easily, i give in so easily, i love so easily. thats definitely not a good thing, once in a while, i need to say no kan?
some people want love but are terrified of it, terrified of what they need to give in, terrified of the commitments, terrified of having to open up to someone new, but oh my god, im not one of them, and THAT terrifies me, the fact that im not any of those.
it makes me feel so vulnerable sometimes, makes me feel so exposed, makes me feel like im so predictable, like how people can see just right through me, thats scary.
i dont think i change that part of me, at least not in the closest time. i just have to live with it, i just have to use it to advantage, make good use of it. what kind of good use? i dont know, but i want to find out!