and to be truthfully honest, why do i even still bother, why do i still keep my heads up high, searching for love? searching for someone that i KNOW deep down in my heart, i could never find,
why do i even still hope? why do i always put myself in situations where eventually i will fall, and break myself, where eventually im the only one who gets hurt
why do i do this to myself, why cant i learn, why do i have to be so open, why cant i build walls,
why cant i push people away, for my own sake, why cant i be numb to love,
why do i have to always open my doors, why do i always have to carry myself back up, every single time, why do i always find myself back here, back to where i always end up,
crying myself to sleep, the 'what ifs' thoughts start to linger around, the disappointments, the heart breaks,
why do i still let myself be so vulnerable, why do i let myself to be pushed away,
why do i allow myself to fall for words so easily, why am i so soft and so easy, why can't i stand firm,
but why do i fall and break, every, single time. why wont anyone catch me.
someday, i might find myself laying down on the ground, never wanting to get up ever again.
someday, im closing these doors, for good, and maybe, just maybe, that day is today?
and oh so i pray, long and hard, so that day, is today.