sometimes reading my own posts on my blog is very therapeutic, it just gives a sense of accomplishment to myself. able to see how far I have come, how strong I have rise, how wiser I have grown, and so many positive changes I am able to witness.
I am lucky enough to be able to go through this journey of self discovery and am able to learn and grown from my own past self.
I am very aware of how my posts consists of sappy, emotional, heart wrenching entries, it worries me that people might have this perception towards me, is Hayatul Nornajwa really an emotional, depressing, always sad human being, but to be honest, its the total opposite of it,
I have always been the loudest, impulsive, most jittery of any group of friends I encounter, either its in class, at work, hanging with my friends, you hear that loud laugh? yeap thats me
but when I break, I break hard, I fall, break, shredded into pieces, tore apart, you name it, and when I do fall apart, I write about it, a lot, on instagram, on twitter (especially), my phone is full of notes, from breaking down in the middle of the highway, sudden cries while grocery shopping, to reminiscing when hearing a certain song and being wide awake at 3 in the morning, I'd write non-stop, and I swear to go it gives me a peace of mind, I suddenly become calm & my tensed muscles relaxes themselves. so when someone comments about how I write too much or say too much or expose too much, it irritates me, but most importantly it triggers me, just puts me in a really bad mood.
but what I just want my friends and fellow readers to know that I am not ALWAYS this melodramatic, I dont really show it in real life. it has always been an online image of myself, far from it being an alter ego but more of an, escape. a part of me that shall only be seen from far and never to be touched, sometimes not even by my own self. so please, leave a comment, slide in my dms, text me, come and get to know me before you create this idea of me that you only see through my writings. I swear im much more fun upfront *smiles* and I swear im not scary nor intimidating, at all.
I guess this is a promise to myself and anyone who has been reading my stories, I promise to share more happier parts of myself, to include different narratives of my life and not just solely focus on the heartbreaks, although thats when my writings peak the most lol. so watch out 2019, I'm coming for you!