I remember the day I signed up and started writing my very first post,
although that post shall never be shown to the world ever again, I am glad & happy that I started to write, I am glad I was able to find a place, an escape, to harvest these emotions into something useful. I am happy to be able to share my stories to everyone, even though most of the things I share can be really depressing, emotional, and just full of grieving and tears, I still manage to overcome it.
what I learned in 2018: no matter how much you put effort into anything, if its not meant to be, it will never be. most of the time I want things/people so badly that I refuse to see the red flag thats already high up, I shut my eyes, I am always in denial. and when things go sour, I only have myself to blame because I CHOSE to ignore, and I hate people blaming everyone else around them but not themselves of the choices THEY made.
so there you go, I learned that life is unfair but it is unfair to everyone so basically somehow someway, life is fair....?
what I want to embrace in 2019: changes. i want to be more accepting. I want to be more relaxed and chill. I want to be able to look at situations that didn't go the way I planned and say its okay and move on. I want to be more 'reda' and 'sabar'.
the people that know me know how impulsive and gelojoh I am, and although I do believe that everything happens for a reason and it is better to know than to live have lived with the 'what ifs..', life has proved me wrong. I have been in piles of shit from my impulsive decisions and I am so tired of it, im gonna let life happen on itself this time, im gonna take one step at a time. I still do believe in shooting when I see a shot but more composed now, it does not mean I am gonna be any less motivated in my work, my career, my family & friends, what I am now is more focused on my target and being on the right track, instead of trying everything at once.
2018 has opened up so much opportunities for me, I was able to learn a lot, expose myself to new environments, new knowledge. created new bonds with more beautiful souls, and break a few connections with ones that didn't deserve to be in my life.
so here's to relaxing, siting back and just chilling in 2019, whatever happens, shall happen. ya Allah aku tak tahu la asal jadi takut tetiba bila cakap gitu hahahaha
anyway, until next time my friends, stay hydrated!