I went deep within myself, wasn't too deep, which I shall dig deeper over time but for these past few weeks, the biggest slap to the face was that maybe Allah gave me all these heartbreaks is because He misses me; because for some reason, I always come back running to Him, I always find myself, faced down, tears streaming down my face, barely breathing, back to Him.
because I knew, without a single doubt, that I could count on Him, ya Rahman ya Rahim.
like I've shared here before, I am one of the most stubborn human beings when it comes to saying thank you, when it comes to just stopping, and say Alhamdulillah. its the ego lol
so by giving me these heartbreaks, Allah knew I'd come running back to Him, He knew I'd depend on Him, He know so well that suddenly my prayers would starting reaching the perfect 5 again (although subuh is not my favourite, yet), hence why the heartbreaks, do you see a pattern here? because damn well I am. God missed me, how beautiful is that.
and it made me realise that I need to stop whining and complaining and start appreciating and start showing gratitude, not just to my Creator but to everything else around me. my family, my friends, my colleagues, my teachers and lectures, everyone else and just anything in between.
maybe if I started running back to Him when im happy, He'd be gladly to present me with more happiness. paham tak konsep ni? because the last 2 weeks I had this realisation and I was speechless, I was, in awe. it was simple maths, it has been between my eyes all these while but only now I have come to my sense, this idea is finally being comprehended.
I do realise how rarely I approach myself to the Almighty when I was happy, when I got what I wanted, when everything went the way I wanted it.
I realised how much I ignored Him, how I have abandoned Him when I was on top of the world, and He missed me, and He knew I'd only cry to Him when im in sadness, and maybe at that moment that was the only way He could have pulled me back to Him.
I have cried a lot these past few weeks, more than I have ever been in my entire life, of how much I have neglected Him, how much I have blinded my eyes to the obvious. but I am thankful that He still loves me, He still wants the best of me, He reminded me before it was too late, I am so thankful that I had this realisation. truly His timing is the best
I hope my sharing today was somehow beneficial to you, brings you the realisation you need at this exact moment in your life, whatever you are going through, it is because He wants you there and never second guess His plans.
until next time my friends, I pray to those who read this, may you be bestowed with all the happiness in the world. may all your prayers and wishes come true, may you find peace.
stay hydrated my friends.