this is a never ending pain huh. it stopped for a few weeks cs the presence of him gave me pleasure, made me happy once again, made me smile like an idiot. and then the pain appeared, without any invitation, it appeared to reclaim its position back into my life. i dont need any more heartbreaks, no one wants anymore heartbreaks. too much heartbreaks in a short amount of time. Feeling so stupid crying over these kind of matters, i feel so stupid for crying over a guy that i wasnt even with in the first place. najwa, youre so weak. I have asked Allah to give me strength, and he gave me challenges instead because i guess strength is not given that easily. Gotta work my ass of to be a strong and independent person but the problem is, its me, im the problem here, i can see it, everyone else can see it too
I mean everyone deserves to be happy, but i guess u gotta work for it. It wont come knocking on doorstep. It wont come that easy, that process in the middle is shit load of work. I honestly dont know if i can stand any of these any longer. I mean i am not literally sad cause i have a family, for some teenagers, their parents are divorced and have it worst than me, and i have some pretty good friends too, cause some people dont even have friends, they dont even have anyone to share their problems with and i am thankful for the people i have in my life right now. and i am not poor, as in, if im hungry then i can cook or just buy what i crave for. I can still afford the things that i want.
so my point is here, i am not physically sad, just mentally and spiritually exhausted. Exhausted of the things that revolves around, exhausted of the environment that has been conquering me for so long. I keep on focusing on the negative things that i cant see the goodness in things anymore haih. What should i do now, what is there for me that life has to offer. But i know He has better plans for me, i guess the people who left me werent good enough for me, i guess they dont deserve to have me in their life, its either im too good for them or that they're the one who are just to bloody good for me, idk, its either way. What comes next, i dont know, i am excited yet terrified to find out. One question tho, how can someone love 2 person at a time, love as in more than family love, love as in sexually attracted kind of love. How how and how
enough ranting for now, shall continue the next time i get sad and that would probably be in a few more seconds. As for now, goodbye