Ramadhan went by way too fast this time. this year it felt, less special, less exciting, probably because i was way too busy with other things to actually stop and take a step back and enjoy this year's Ramadhan. i actually wasted a lot of time too, slept a lot, did unproductive things, and just like that it passed by without me noticing, sad huh.
but raya this year was so much more fun and meaningful, for me personally. probably because i was helping in the kitchen a lot more this year, heee. and my baju raya this year was da bomb! haha
the older i get, the more i learn to appreciate things so so much more. the little things people and myself tend to overlook everyday. outside, i may seem rock solid and act like i dont care and sometimes my actions dont even speak louder than words but know that inside, im taking everything in.
I keep all of it safe & sound in my memory box. im an observer, those little things you do, those repeated shirts you wear, those little actions you take, i notice okay.
this year has been a hell of a rollercoaster ride, and its only July! i'm scared for what the future holds for me. im scared i might not be strong enough, not wise enough, just not ready to face any of it.
starting my 3rd sem, which is my last semester as a foundation student insyAllah, this monday. i am excited to get back to class! im excited to see my friends! excited for new adventures, new challenges, new experiences! im up for all that you know! but yet again, im always excited even for the smallest things, hey, nothing's wrong with it.
i guess i just like to look on the bright side of it all. why ruin something that you have yet to encounter with all those negative thoughts kan? tak kenal maka tak cinta as they say
im also getting pretty serious with my family business, might also come up with my own! hehe thats something i look forward very much! but that's another story. i'm starting to think that maybe business has been in my blood even before i was born! mummy & papa are so good at it, it just pressurize me. a good kind of pressure, i guess?
it pushes me out of my comfort zone. it pushes me to think out of the box, be more open minded and to take in as many input as i can. but i know myself, i only talk & dream big but my actions, are not even half of it, haih. so disappointed of myself. but insyaAllah, im getting there! just, slow and steady ok?
i used to think when it comes to boys, i was never the choosy one but this year, it opened my eyes! that for a certain, i AM choosy, oh my god
i mean, of course if its meant to be, then its meant to be la. but before that even happens, i'll probably judge him. obviously i would want someone tall, good looking, is attractive, cares about me & my feelings yadayadayada the usual's you know.
and i thought all these time, that i was ready for commitment, a real stable relationship but turns out, i'm not? turns out, i dont even know myself that well. there's was a lot of self discovery this year, and i am thankful for that. at least now i know what i want, what i am, and what i am capable of when it comes to love.
whoa this was a long post, and god did it felt great to write again. hope to write again real soon and a lot more after this. till next time