my friends all tell me i'm such a hopeless romantic, i myself think so too. and sometimes it really is not a bad thing tbh, but other times, it ruins me.
i am so in love with the idea of love, that sometimes i think ive lost myself being so into it.
it gets to the point where i am just so obsessed in finding love, not that i would settle for anything less
but i would definitely be on a look out wherever i go
i would read stories over and over again just because it makes me feel all fuzzy and warm inside.
and when it doesnt happen to me, i would get sad and depressed and just merely heartbroken
thinking that a man would actually make me feel happy, and good about myself.
having someone to love and being loved back just sounds nice and dreamy and i want that,
receiving good morning and goodnight wishes.
someone who asks about your day, tells you youre beautiful everyday.
all of that, definitely would be nice but i need to face reality
that maybe my prince charming is not coming anytime sooner. might got stuck in the traffic but the point is, i should stop waiting for something i have no control over.
i should stop hoping for things or people that were never meant to be for me.
i should stop daydreaming and maybe, just maybe, start to live my life just a little bit more kan?
thats what i tell myself everyday, what i tell myself everytime i get my heart broken, every time i daydream and hope just a little too much.
i tell myself that i need to stop this and just live my life, stop hoping & dreaming and take some actions. do things on my own, be the independent woman i was meant to be.
be that daredevil girl ive always wanted to be, be that career oriented woman i aim to be.
every single day, i hope to be a better person, a person who doesnt depend on love, a person who looks beyond the romantic scene of life.
but like anything else in the world, it is so much easier said than done.
it is so much easier setting that target, setting that goal than actually doing it.
it takes a lot of positive thinking, a lot of hard work and dedication.
it takes a lot of support from the right people around you, the people who pushes you to be a better person. im telling you, from the bottom of my heart, it is so bloody hard man
no seriously guys, its hard, its not easy like how it sounds, like how people have told you before.
its not as easy as all the articles you've read about love and shits, it never is and never will be that easy to be independent from love. it takes a whole lot of time to fully accept it
its so hard that i get breakdowns, thinking why cant i just be independent. thinking why cant i just rely on myself to be happy? why cant i just accept reality, why do i have to wait for love? its fucking frustrating, stressful and disappointing. im angry at myself, no one else but me to be blamed. it's all my own fault.
but slowly as it goes, im getting there, might still be very far away, and its still very hard okay, but there's progress.
instead of denying and pushing all these feelings and emotions, i try embrace them, i let it run through me. letting it to be felt, im just too tired to push it away anymore.
but at the same time, im learning to accept reality, that maybe, my time for love is just no where near.
maybe i need to focus on my self improvement, i need to focus on MY life.
i need to explore my own self, what i am capable of. what defines me
when the right time comes, God will send the right guy for me and experience all the things i was meant for. i will finally experience love
but until then, i have myself to depend on. im saying to give up on love, im just saying that maybe, its just not the time yet
i'm still struggling too, dont worry about it, we all are.
but i am not giving up, neither should you. you'll learn everyday, im getting better, you will too.
you and me, we'll get there, someway somehow.
so here's to a self discovering journey, here's to ourselves, here's to the true love we will encounter someday, here's to being independent.