pain

i knew i was better than that girl who would cry herself all day & all night, 
i knew i was better than that girl who would go back to people who broke her, just to feel a sense of comfort & familiarity,

i was better than that, and i wanted to be better than that, 

it was hard standing back up, to get back on your feet again, 
it was torture, it was painful, there was a lot of negative emotions involved, 
the idea of ending my life did came across, but i knew there was so many beautiful things about life i still wanted to experience,

i knew, deep down my heart, that better days are coming,

but at that moment, i was blinded, i was in pain, i was hurt, and nothing else mattered, nothing.

to be honest, i am scared of love now, i still have my hope & faith in love, 
i can never be bitter about love, i love, love, but i never want to put my feet in it ever again,

i’ll be the spectator, i’ll celebrate from far, i’ll support my friends & family but will never dive in,

the pain i felt, was not worth it to me for the beauty of love, the pain of falling did not overcome the love itself, 

and i never want to taste that pain ever again, so i am willing to give up love,