a year ago I was at my lowest point in life, the lowest I have ever been in my entire life, I'm not even kidding, I was mentally exhausted, drained, I couldn't even eat, i didn't had the energy or capability to interact with anyone, I keep crying all day long, I was such in a bad condition,
I was in so much pain that my mind denied of the idea of a better tomorrow,
I was so hurt by what had happened, I was in a really really dark place, mentally & spiritually,
but truly time does heal, only now do I believe wholeheartedly, I knew there was gonna be better days but to be honest, it seemed so far away, out of reach at that time, far fetched.
I was living in the present, that my mind & body just couldn't look forward to anything else,
I really wanted my life to end at that point, so dramatic kan hahahaha
but Alhamdulillah I am in a better state now, I have bent, broke and shattered all over the place but I picked myself up and a new version of myself has been created, it took me a while,
as cliche as it sounds, I am so so much stronger and wiser than I was before,
at a point in my life, I thought I needed that heartbreak, that slap to the face, as a sign that life is gonna be hard and those kind of shits are the things that I need to go through,
and quiet frankly, I am thankful
I needed to write this down because I want to let go, I want no more strings attached, I don't want anything to do with my past anymore, I want people to know that you will get to that point where you will actually feel better, takes a lot of time, support from the people around you and a whole lot of crying and reminiscing lol
and I also want myself to know that its time to move forward, its time to let go,
have I been holding on all these while? I don't believe so, day by day my heart has slowly learn to let go, but I have always find peace in writing my feelings,
and writing this down, is a sense of peace to me,
and if I ever fall again, I definitely know how to put myself back together now,
as for now, I want to embrace my present, I want to fully appreciate whats in front of me,
whatever happens in the future, I'm glad I am here today and where I used to be,
I know when you're in the midst of experiencing so much pain all you could think of is the agony and how to end it, when will it end, why do you have to go through all of these and all of the other self blaming thoughts,
but believe me when I say time truly does heal, it could be weeks, months or even years but slowly you'll get better, gradually your heart will feel lighter.
so here's to the present, my arms are wide open, ready for all the possibilities (I hope)